Like from a dream, i woke to a new life. A new physical, emotional and spiritual life. It's turning like waking up from the longest dream. It's hurting, deeply, to let go of the things that were so dear to me, to have thoughts at the middle of the night of the things that in that other place i could do, of the faces i could see whenever i wanted.
Tears would fall down and keep me from falling asleep. A big pressure in my chest with the need of letting emotions out will just keep me from resting. Letting go. Dying to myself, my desires. A hard thing to do, but He is prunning me, He is cutting from me the dry leaves, and even some that were not what He expected to be. He wants a perfect fruit, not only beautiful flowers. I cannot see what He is making, but i know i will understand, i just feel the pain and see blurry through the tears, it's not clear, but He is at work. I woke to a new life in Him, a life without self pleasing, but seeking what pleases Him. I want to know more of what He wants, of who He is, to love Him like when you are in love...you know? You want to be close to that person all the time, to see that person, to give everything, you don't think about yourself but about what he or she wants. You want that person to enjoy your company, to desire to be with you too, to embrace you, to support you. When that person is not around, you think about him/her, you want that person to be happy, fulfilled, you would give everything you could that is in your hands to give. You would give your life. You would die for him/her. That's the kind of love that He has for us, and because of His love we are able to love Him back. That's the new life i want, to be satisfied with my Lord.
Once, no long ago, i said to the Lord that i knew that He was doing something new in my life, that He and i know what will really hurt to me to loose, but that if that was the only way to become more like Him, then i wanted that, even if i knew inside of me that it was not possible that my flesh was the one asking for this, because i knew that would hurt; but the Spirit, helping me to interceed in the right way according to the Father's will. And at the same time, i was hoping that i would not have to loose that what i so much wanted.
Following the Lord is the most wonderful thing, that He would live in our hearts, our hearts that are not worthy of Him, but that He cleansed by the gift of His Son, in Him, in Jesus we are made clean so that He can come with the Father and dwell in us if we keep His words.
--Come dwell in me Lord, help me go through this valley, help me fix my eyes in You, thank you for revealing Yourself to me, i want more of you, and everytime, less of me Lord. Help me to rejoice even in the pain, knowing that it's all part of your work in my life, that it's all part of your love for me. Help me to let go.--
Natalia
http://tehilim23.blogspot.com/
http://tehilim23.blogspot.com/
1 comment:
Amen Naty, beautiful and honest words. He's with you. Keep on the path sister :-)
I dedicate you this Keith Green song:
When you first find your self you want to run and tell
All the world of your joy and harmony inside
But the hardest thing is to live what you will say
And you find your truth, slipping quietly away
If not you
So you stumble but try to reach out once again
Something urges you on, cause you now tasted light
And the path goes on getting steeper all the time
But with each new step you are strengthened in your climb towards your goal
To make all things whole
So you think you’re aware, well the works never done, stay on the path
But if you were once there, well don’t give up now, stay on the path
If you work on yourself, then your on the path, your on the path
But if someone needs help, then do all you can, and you’re on the path.
You will never receive, more than you can use
And we’re tested to see how much we’ve really learned
And you feel your goal is to reach the highest plains
But you’re so, you’re so alone and you find the growing pains, hard to transcend.
But you will, you will in the end
So you think you’re aware, well the works never done, just stay on the path
And If you were once there, well don’t give up now, stay on the path
If you work on yourself, then you are right on, right on your path
But if someone needs help, then just do all you can, keep on your path
Of course, you're not alone, He is with you ALWAYS, ALWAYS.
Love you
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