Just because...

Thinking about the plans that i must make for the days to come, i kind of get exhausted from it. Right now i find myself in a situation in which part of the answer is revealed but the rest of it is not even blurry but completly unknown for me.
I could do many things, i could continue moving as if nothing is happening and just live on, but i know that in some way all this that happens is calling my attention and my focus to Him. And maybe because intentionally I'm not being especific about the situation itself, you could also identify in some way with what i'm saying right now.
And personally, it's a hard thing for me to do, to focus on Him, sometimes my question is --how should i focus? what things can i do that will help me to focus? -- and other questions like these. But the truth is that i feel that in the moments when everything is still, when there is no other sound or noise, or will to do things to get there, in that state of being clueless, helpless, there He comes, there He speaks.
And i really long to hear Him speaking.
I had a conversation a few days ago with a believer friend, i was telling some of the things that i'm going through to him, and got really good encouragement from him, but also many questions started coming up in my head, questions that i've never ask to the Lord, like for example, what is His real purpose with having me here, and it's not that i've never thought about it, but somehow it was never clear to me, the answers i could think of would be very general, and i still wanted something more...but i'm beginning to understand that there is nothing "big" i could do without Him, and the highest vision to live for has already been exposed before us and it's to die to ourselves and live in Him, that He may live through us, like John said so beautifully, that i will diminish so that He will grow.
He said something that really touched me, he said that the most important thing to do when we are seeking God, it's not just to wait for Him to answer our prayers, or wait in Him to give us some light in the situation that we are experiencing, but to seek Him just because we want to be with Him, just because we have understood that our life is meaningless without Him. And when He sees a heart like that, that ok, we want answers, but we don't desire them as much as we desire Him, He comes, and He also answers but just the fact for us that He comes, that will do, that is enough.
How exciting to be so close to Him that we can feel Him or be filled with the assurance that He is close!
That's the life i'm choosing today, and especially to be lead by Him by still waters, i want to be immersed in His death and come to life in His resurrection.


^" What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him?" (Psalm 8:4)

Natalia
http://tehilim23.blogspot.com/